Saturday, December 30, 2006

Aur Batao!

Guess we all r suffering from it..

Conversation between 2 Friends:

Sw1---hello
SW2---hi

Sw1---hey h r u???
SW2---m fine!!! What about u???

SW1---m fine too
SW2---cool

SW1---so hows life???
SW2--good

SW1--hmmmm

SW1--aur batao? ( passing the ball to the other side)
SW2--hmmm everything as usual

SW2--so what else???
SW1--nothing much

SW2--ok
SW2--aur batao? ( passing the ball to the other side)

And it goes on like this until they give up

Are u also having such conversation with your friends, then I guess u r also suffering from aur batao syndrome It means your life is all screwed up following the usual monotonous routine.

Probably u need a change in your life something which is exciting,something which is adventurous, something which
really makes u feel good

Correct????


yeh sab to thik hai

AUR BATAO

Punjabi Letter From Ram to Sita

Dear SITA

Main itthe raji khushi han and hope ke tu v theek thaak hovengi, Laxman tannu bahut yaad karda hai. Main is Hanuman de hath tannu chitthi bhej reha haan, tu tension na layi main bahut jaldi tenu Ravan kolo chura lavanga.

Main AIRTEL da prepaid le leya hai, RAVAN nu main mobile te bhot GAALIYAAN kadiya te SAALE ne katt ditta, Chal koi ni main aana te hai. Taan KUTUNGA saale KANJAR nu. Main tere kol vi ek AIRTEL da prepaid bhej reya haan jis vich 1500 SMS free wali scheme hai , Tu roz mainu SMS karin .

Accha OK

See Uuuu


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Two Married Friends

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' ....and she's always sound asleep."


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Quotes by Navjot Singh Sidhu

Collection of famous quotes by Navjot Singh Sidhu :


  • That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it.

  • There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an incoming train which will run them over.

  • Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.

  • This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was run out in the third test against the West Indies at Barbados."Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope."

  • Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taximeter.

  • Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.

  • Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn!

  • He is like Indian three-wheeler, which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!

  • The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world, which does not have wings!

  • As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.

  • The ball whizzes past like a bumble -bee and the Indians are in the sea.

  • The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin a haystack.

  • The pitch is as dead as a dodo.

  • Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar!

  • The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala one falls and everything else falls!

  • Indian team without Sachin is like giving Kiss without a Squeeze.

  • You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.

  • Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goalkeeper. He must be given a free transfer to Manchester United.

  • He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too.

  • One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect to score a six.

  • This quote was made after Eddie Nichols, the third umpire, ruled Shivnarine Chanderpaul 'NOT OUT' in the second test at Port of Spain T&T "Eddie ichols is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two hands."

  • Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.

  • Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.

  • You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants.

  • The cat with gloves catches no mice.

  • Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.

  • You may have a heart of gold
  • , but so does a hard-boiled egg.
  • He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition.

  • The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason.

  • Kumble's bowling at the moment is flat as a Dosa.




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A Mexican Fisherman

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them. "Not very long," answered the Mexican. "But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American. The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family. The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. I have a full life." The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard
and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

"And after that?" asked the Mexican. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican. "Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American. "And after that?" "Afterwards? Well my Friend, That's when it gets really interesting," answered the American,laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling
stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" said the Mexican. "After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."


Moral of the story:
Know where you're going in life... you may already be there.





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Friday, December 29, 2006

Some Teriffic Sayings

# Sign on a railway station at Patna:
Aana free, jaana free,
pakde gaye to khana free.

# seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay:
Don't whistle at the girl going out from here.
She may be your grandmother!

# seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative
More the success, more the relatives.

# Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay:
we need your heads to run our business.

# A traffic slogan:
Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough - or else they never will be.....

#THE BEST ONE:
Its God's responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations
It's our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and god."
- Indian Armed Forces




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Lord Shiva's Visit To Earth

One day Lord Shiva decided to visit the earth and try some alcohol.
So he changed his get-up and went to a bar in Delhi and asked the bartender: "What all do u have?"
Bartender: "We have whisky, rum, vodka, gin, beer etc etc."
Lord Shiva: "Let's try whisky first, give me 5 bottles of whisky".
After having 5 bottles of whisky, Lord Shiva decided to try Rum.
Bartender was shocked: "Who is this man, after having 5 bottles of whisky, he is still on his feet".
After having 5 bottles of Rum, Shiva decided to have beer.
After having 40 bottles of beer, he asked the bartender for Gin.
Bartender couldn't stop himself asking him: "Sir, who are you?? I ve seen people getting drunk after having 4 glasses of whisky, and you've almost had 50 bottles and you are still on your feet, who are you"???

Lord Shiva: "VATS, Hum Bhagwaan Shiv hain".

Bartender: AB CHADHI ISKO!!!





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A Beggar

A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him Rs. 10 and that Continues for a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to Rs. 7, 50.
"Well," the beggar thinks, "it's still better than nothing."
A year passes in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly becomes Rs. 5.
"What's going on now?" the beggar asks his donor. "First you give me Rs. 10 every day, then Rs. 7,50 and now only Rs. 5. What's the problem?"
"Well," the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university. It's very expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further."
"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.
"Four," the man replies.
"Well," says the beggar, "I hope you don't plan to educate them all at my expense."



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Boots or Hats

An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, are new settlers in Brisbane, Australia.
Ray always wanted a pair of authentic RM Williams boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife: "Notice anything different about me?"
Bessie looks him over, "Nope."
Frustrated Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots, and asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything DIFFERENT NOW?"
Bessie looks up and says, "Ray, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Ray yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!"
To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Ray. Shoulda bought a hat."



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An Intelligent Woman

One morning a husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the
lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, drops anchor and begins to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies.
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, Officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,"says the woman.
"But I have not even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day, ma'am," he said, and left.


Moral of this story:
Never argue with a woman who reads. It is likely she can also think.



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The Bigger Cheater

Three men die and go to heaven. When they get to the pearly gates, St. Peter asks them each one question: "How many times have you cheated on your wife?"

The first one answers "Never!"
St. Peter checks the books, discovers the man is correct and gives him a Rolls-Royce to drive during his stay in heaven.

The second man answers "Oh, about 25-30 times."
He is given a Ford Pinto and sent on his way.

The third man answers "Maybe 400-500 times" and is assigned a bicycle.

A few months later, the three meet up .. The Pinto driver, and the bicycle rider notice the Rolls-Royce man has a long drawn-out sad look on his face. Puzzled, the other two query him as to "why the sad face?".

Mr. Rolls just looked at them and said, "I just saw my wife, she was on a skateboard!"




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Ole and Lena

Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual cup of morning coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his coffee and replies "Well, okay."

Two days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of morning coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his coffee and replies, "Well, okay."

Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and then the power went out and Ole didn't
get the rest of the instructions. He says to Lena, "What am I going to do now, Lena?"

Lena replies, "Aw, Ole, just leave the car in the garage."



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3 Reasons Not To Mess With Children

Reason 1
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

Reason 2
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

Reason 3
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."





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Always Tell Your Wife The Truth

A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he precedes to rub on his hands and then he goes home.

His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry. Where the hell have you been?"

Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking girl There and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in Bed with her.

"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder and says..."You God damn liar!!! You were playing pool again!!!"


Moral of the story:
Always tell your wife the truth. She won't believe you anyway. At least your conscience is clear.




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Santa's Wit

In a party one of Santa Singh's friends asked him how many chappathis he could eat in an empty stomach. Santa replied "Seven".

Then his friend told him "When you eat the first chappathi your stomach is no longer empty. Then how can you eat seven??"

Santa was impressed by this tricky question. So as soon as he went back home he asked his wife "How many chappathis can you eat in an empty stomach??". She replied "Five".

Then Santa said: "If only you had told seven I had a nice reply for it".




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Niels Bohr

A teacher asks a student how he would measure the height of a very tall building using a barometer, evidently expecting to hear about the reduced air pressure being proportionate to the elevation .... The student replies: Tie the barometer to a long string, lower the string till the barometer touches the ground, measure the length of the string!

However, what follows is much more interesting: This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed. The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.

For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn't make up his mind which to use. On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows:

Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H = 0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer." "Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper's shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper."

"But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi square root (l/g)." "Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up."

"If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building." "But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor's door and say to him 'If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper'."

The student was Niels Bohr, the only person from Denmark to win the Nobel Prize for Physics.




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The Word "Kiss"

Professors of different subjects define the same word "kiss" in different ways:

Prof. of Computer Science:
A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.

Prof. of Algebra:
A kiss is two divided by nothing.

Prof. of Geometry:
A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.

Prof. of Physics:
A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.

Prof. of Chemistry:
A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.

Prof. of Zoology:
A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.

Prof. of Physiology:
A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in the state of contraction.

Prof. of Dentistry:
A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.

Prof. of Accountancy:
A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.

Prof. of Economics:
A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.

Prof. of Statistics:
A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.

Prof. of Philosophy:
A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.

Prof. of English:
A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.

Prof. of Engineering:
Uh, What? I'm not familiar with that term.





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Bad Lie

A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.

"What was that for?" the man asked. The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket".

The man then said "When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on".

The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. She said, "Your horse phoned"




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Smart Sardarji

A Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for 350. The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to the Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. But we didn't use them", the Sardarji complains.Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says. But we didn't go to any of those shows," sardarji complains again."Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the sardarji replies "But we didn't use it". The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100." "That's right," says the sardarji, "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife." "But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager."Well," the Sardarji replies, "she was here, and you could have...."




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A Cooking Lesson

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful ... CAREFUL!" he yelled. "Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! They need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you?" she said. "You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs after all these years?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving with you in the car."





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Thursday, December 28, 2006

Newton's New Software Laws

Law 1:
Every Software Engineer continues his state of chatting or forwarding mails unless he is assigned work by manager.

Law 2:
The rate of change in the software is directly proportional to the payment received from client and takes place at the
quick rate as when deadline force is applied.

Law 3:
For every Use Case Manifestation there is an equal but opposite Software Implementation.

Bonus: Law 4:
Bugs can neither be created nor be removed from software by a developer. It can only be converted from one form to another. The total number of bugs in the software always remains constant.


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Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Sardad And Mosquito

Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights.
Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time he tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn.".
He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent.
Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand.
He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge.
Happy as he is now starts singing a lorry and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja".
After some time he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands.
So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."




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Smart Salesman, Not So Smart

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street.
A tall lady answered the door.

Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and
opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner,
I will EAT all this s...!", exclaimed the eager salesman.

Do you need chili sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.

The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"

"We just moved in, & there's no electricity in the house!"





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Big John

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along his route. No problems for the first few stops -- a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it.

The next day the same thing happened -- Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that, and so forth.

This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong -- what's more, he felt really good about himself.

So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!," the driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, "Oh yeah? And why not?!"

With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass."

Moral of the story:
Be sure there really is a problem before working hard to solve it.




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Wife Under Control

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their
wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you
have over your wife?"

The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."

The first two guys were amazed. "Wow! What happened then?" they asked.

The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and uttered, "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.

Fashion Sense

A farmer was at a diner one day having lunch when he noticed an old friend.
What really caught his attention was that this friend was wearing an earring.
The farmer knew his old buddy to be a fairly conservative fellow, and was curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."
The farmer walked up to him and said, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," the fellow replied sheepishly.
The farmer was silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity got the best of him and he asked "So, how long have you been wearing one?"
"Ever since my wife found it in my truck," the man replied.




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Discoveries

The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT,
The woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.

The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
The woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,
The woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.

The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,
The woman discovered LOVE and invented LOVE TRIANGLES.

The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,
The woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.

Thereafter man has discovered and invented a lot of things...
While the women STUCK to shopping...............




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Banta Once More

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, Banta Singh and his wife Preeto decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each others throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.

When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.

"What seems to be the problem?"

Immediately, Banta held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, Preeto began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 10 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down.

Afterwards, Preeto sat there - speechless. He looked over at Banta who was staring in disbelief at what had happened.

The counselor spoke to Banta, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!"

Banta scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Wednesdays and Saturdays.



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Johnny & Jenny

Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love.
One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny,you are only 10. Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin,

"Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."

Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance.. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine"

By this time Mr Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to.

After a second, Mr.Smith says, "Well Johnny,it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"

Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far..."

Mr. Smith faints.............



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A Story of Some Blondes

80,000 blondes met at Wembley Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid Convention." The speaker said, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid.
May I have a volunteer?"

A blonde joined him on the podium. The speaker asked, "What is 15 plus 15?" After a long pause, she said, "Eighteen!"
There was a silence. Then 80,000 voices rose, chanting "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

The speaker said, "Well, since you've all taken such trouble to get here, and what with the world's press here, we'll
give her another chance."

He turned to the blonde and asked, "What is five plus five?"
After nearly half a minute, she said, "Ninety?"

The speaker sighed. Everyone was crestfallen and the blonde
began to cry. Again the audience began yelling, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

Unsure as to whether he was doing more harm than damage, the speaker eventually decided to try one more time. "Okay," he said. "What is 2 plus 2?"

The blonde closed her eyes, and after a full 60 seconds,firmly said, "Four."

The stadium rocked to the sound of 80,000 voices screaming "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"




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Brave Husbands

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you
have over your wife?"

The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."

The first two guys were amazed. "Wow! What happened then?" they asked.

The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and uttered, "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.




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A Bad Mistake

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.

I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.




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A Laloo Joke

A major traffic jam was preventing people from moving forward.
A motorist shouted out wanting to know what was happening.
A guy from the front replied, "Well at the traffic crossing Laloo Yadav is sprawled across the road.
He is refusing to move from there!"
"But why?"
"He has lost the elections and will now surely be convicted for corruption and will have to pay lakhs of Rupees as fines!
He is threatening to douse himself with kerosene and set himself on fire if people didn`t contribute with money to help him pay the fine!"
"So how much has been collected so far?"
"Six litres!"




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Another Management Lesson

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that she's lost. Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the bones with her back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now", but instead of running, the dog sits down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says:
"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

Moral of this story:
Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!
Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience!



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