Monday, October 13, 2008

Worth in Six Years

A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had
happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.

"Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900, so $900 is what I'm out."

The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.

"Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now."

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Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Russian In America

A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States . He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, 'Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country , giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education!'

The passerby says, 'You are mistaken, I am Mexican.'

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. ' Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America !'

The person says, 'I not American, I Vietnamese.'

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, 'Thank you for the wonderful America !'

That person puts up his hand and says, 'I am from Middle East , I am not American!'

He finally sees a nice lady and asks, 'Are you an American?'

She says , 'No, I am from Africa !'

Puzzled, he asks her, 'Where are all the Americans?'

The African lady checks her watch and says...'Probably at work!'

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Young And Old

An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for. She was so upset that she went up to the man and said, "I was going to park there!"

The man, being a real smart alec, said, "Oh, well, that's what you can do when you're young and bright."

This made the lady even angrier, so she got in her car, backed up, pressed on the gas and plowed right into his Mercedes. The young man raced back to his car and exclaimed, "What did you go and do that for?"

The little old lady replied, "That's what you can do when you're old and rich!"

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Self Arrest

Being arrested is bad enough, but having to call the police yourself is just adding insult to injury...if only all crimes could solve themselves like this one...

Police in Knoxville, Tenn., say a man has been arrested for burglary after he phoned authorities and told them he was stuck in a museum ventilation shaft.

Knoxville police said Anthony Smith, 25, called 911 shortly before 4:30 a.m. and told the dispatcher he was wedged in the ventilation system at the Knoxville Museum of Art.

Police and firefighters arrived at the museum to find Smith wedged 40 feet down a ventilator shaft but investigators said they are unsure of how he could have gotten onto the building's roof.

Authorities said nothing was disturbed inside the museum. However, Smith was arrested on the burglary charge after being extracted from the tight space.

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