Terminal Tom

At the doctor's office, Tom was getting a check up.
"I have good news and bad news," says the doctor.
"The good news is you have 24 hours left to live."
Tom replies, "That's the good news?!"
Then the doctor says, "The bad news is I should have told you that yesterday."

Delicate Corporate Matter

All of the ten senior members of the Board of Directors of the company
were called into the chairman’s office one by one until only Bob, the junior
member, was left sitting outside.

Finally it was his turn to be summoned.

He entered the office to find the chairman and the ten other directors
seated around a table. He was invited to join them, which he did.

As soon as he had sat down the chairman turned to Bob looking him
squarely in the eye, and with a stern voice, asked, “Have you ever
had sex with Mrs. Foyt, my secretary?”

“Oh, no sir, positively not!” Bob replied.

“Are you absolutely sure?” asked the chairman.

“Honest, I’ve never been close enough to even touch her!”

“You’d swear to that?”

“Yes, I swear I’ve never had sex with Mrs. Foyt anytime, anywhere.”

“Good, then you fire her!”

😄😄😂😂

Presence Of Mind

A woman and man get into a car accident.  Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither one of them is hurt.

After  they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars  -- there's nothing left! This must be a sign from Him that we should be  friends and not try to pin the blame on each other."

The man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely."

The  woman points to a bottle on the ground and says, "Somehow this bottle  of Scotch from my back seat didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink  this Scotch and celebrate our good fortune."

She hands the bottle  to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, and chugs  about a third of the bottle to calm his nerves. The woman takes the  bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police."